Making Exceptions

Sometimes I find it difficult to separate legitimate feelings from just wanting something... or someone. How do you know if your brain is being controlled by your hormones? How do you know if your brain is being controlled by feelings? How the hell do you know if your brain is just thinking? It's a very confusing and frustrating process, especially for someone who just figured out that they are a lesbian. At least, that's what I thought I had figured out.

Before I decided that I was going to proclaim my lesbian status, I was okay with saying I was bisexual. Then people liked to tell me that this proclamation meant that I was just confused... or greedy. Honestly, I didn't agree with either of these sentiments. Instead of being confused, I considered myself open minded. Instead of being greedy, I was just accepting of whoever came along.

Now here I am, a proclaimed lesbian, and I am more confused than when people were telling me I was confused. I remember that I used to be positive I liked men, but not 100 percent sure whether or not I liked women. I am now positive that I like women, but I'm not 100 percent sure whether or not I like men. I think in all reality, I fall for a person and not their gender. In many ways, that would put me in this "bisexual" category. I don't like that. I don't like being called a bisexual because of all the connotations that go along with it.

Plus, I like(d) the power I feel (felt) in knowing one way or the other. I liked knowing that I was gay. I liked knowing where I stood. Maybe now I can just say that I am a lesbian and for a select few men, I am willing to make an exception.

I'm throwing my hands up and shaking my head. Let's hope a fabulous woman will come along that is able to put me back on the not so "straight" and narrow.